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Always look on the bright Side of Life Tom: Am
Am D G Em
Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad
Am D G
Other things just make you swear and curse
Am D
When you've chewing an life's gristle
G Em
Don't grumble give a whistle
Am D7
And this'll help things turn out for the best
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7 And always look on the bright side of life G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7 Always look on the light side of life
Am D G Em
If life seems jolly rotten there's something you've forgotten
Am D G
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
Am D G Em
When you've feeling in the dumps don't be silly chumps
Am D7
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
And always look on the bright side of life
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
Come on always look on the bright side of life
Am D G Em
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word
Am D G
you must always face the curtain with a bow
Am D G Em
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Am D7
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7 So always look on the bright side of death G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7 just before you draw your terminal breath
Am D G Em
Life's a pice if shit when you look at it
Am D G
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true
Am D
You'll see it's all a show
G Em
keep'em laughing as you go
Am D7
just remember that the last laugh is on you
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7 And always look on the bright side of life G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7 Always look on the right side of life (Come on guys, cheer up) A F# Bm E7 A F# Bm E7 Always look on the right side of life A F# Bm E7 A F# Bm E7 Always look on the right side of life ....
Christmas in Heaven Tom: G
Spoken Intro:
GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. IT'S TRULY A REAL HONOURABLE EXPERIENCE TO BE HERE THIS EVENING. A VERY WONDERFUL AND WARM AND EMOTIONAL MOMENT FOR ALL OF US. AND l'D LIKE TO SING A SONG FOR ALL OF YOU.
G
It's Christmas in Heaven,
Am
All the children sing,
C
It's Christmas in Heaven,
C C/B C/A G
Hark hark those church bells ring.
G
It's Christmas in Heaven,
Am
The snow falls from the sky,
C
But it's nice and warm
and everyone
C C/B C/A G
Looks smart and wears a tie.
G
It's Christmas in Heaven,
Am
There's great films on TV,
C
The Sound of Music' twice an hour
C C/B C/A G
And Jaws' I, II and III.
G
There's gifts for all the family,
Am
There's toiletries and trains
C
There's Sony Walkman Headphone sets
C/B C/A G
And the latest video games!
G
It's Christmas it's Christmas
Hip hip bip hip hip hooray,
Am G
Every single day, is Christmas day.
G
It's Christmas it's Christmas in Heaven,
Hip hip hip hip hip hooray,
Am G
Every single day it's Christmas day.
I like Chinese Tom: G
Spoken:
The world today seems absolutely crackers, With nuelear bombs to blow us all There are tools and idiots sitting on the trigger, It's depressing and it's senseless and that's why:
G
I like Chinese,
A
I like Chinese,
D
They only come up to your knees,
G Em
Yet they're always friendly, and
Am D
they're ready to please.
G
I like Chinese,
A
I like Chinese,
D
There's nine hundred million of
them in the world today,
G Em
You'd better learn to like them,
Am D
that's what I say.
G
I like Chinese,
A
I like Chinese,
D
They come from a long way overseas,
G
But they're cute and they're
Em Am D
cuddly, and they're ready to please.
G
I like Chinese food,
A
The waiters never are rude,
D
Think of the many things they've
done to impress,
G Em Am D
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching and Chess.
G
So I like Chinese,
A
I like Chinese,
D
I like their tiny little trees,
G Em Am D
Their Zen, their Ping-pong, their yin and yang-ese.
G
I like Chinese thought,
A
The wisdom that Confucious taught
D
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
G Em
The Cinese will survive us all
Am D
without any doubt.
G
So, I like Chinese
A
I like Chinese
D
They only come up to your knees,
G Em
Yet they are wise and they're witty
Am D
and are ready to please.
G
I like Chinese
A
I like Chinese
D
Their food if guaranteed to please,
G Em Am D
A fourteen, a seven, a nine and lynchees.
G
I like Chinese,
A
I like Chinese,
D
I like their tiny little trees,
G Em
Their Zen, their ping-pong,
Am D
their yin and yang-ese.
G I like Chinese, A I like Chinese ...
Decomposing Composers Tom: C
Chord Pattern 1
C G
Beethoven's gone but his music lives on,
Am Em
And Mozart don't go shopping no more.
F C
You'll never meet Liszt or Brahms again,
F G
And Elgar doesn't answer the door.
Chord Pattern 2
C G
Schubert and Chopin used to chuckle and laugh,
Am Em
Whilst composing a long symphony.
F C
But one hundred and fifty years later,
G C
There's very little of them left to see.
C G C G F G
They're Decomposing composers, there's not much anyone can do.
C G F G C
You can still hear Beethoven, but Beethoven cannot hear you.
Chord Pattern 1 Handel and Haydn and Rachmaninov, Enjoyed a nice drink with their meal. But nowadays no one will serve them, And there gravy is left to congeal
Chord Pattern 2 Verdi and Wagner delighted the crowds, With their highly original sounds. The pianos they played are still working, But they're both six feet underground.
Same Chords as Chorus (Be warned the rhythm of the last line is different to that of the first chorus. Start the C chord on "say". Hope this is clear.)
They're decomposing composers. There's less of them every year. You can say what you like to Debussy, But there's not much of him left to hear.
Philosopher's Song Tom: D
D
Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant
A
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
D
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
G
Whilhelm Friedrich Hegel
A
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
D
Who was just as sloshed as Schlagel
A
There's nothin' Nieizsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
D B7 E7
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill of his own free will After half a pint o' shanty became particularly ill Plato they say, could stick it away Half a crate of whiskey every day Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle Hobbes was fond of his dram And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart `I drink therefore I am'
But Socrates himself is particularly missed A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed
The Universe Song Tom: G Intro:
(Spoken... music creeps in towards the end...) Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown And things seem sad or tough And people are useless, or obnoxious, or daft, And you feel that you've had quite enough... (G)
(played in a simple bass-note/chord form in 4)
*Verse I*
G G7
Just re-
C
member that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
C G
revolving at nine-hundred miles an hour
G7
and orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
C
a sun that is the source of all our power.
C
Now the sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see
A7 F
Are moving a million miles a day
F7 C
In an outer spiral arm at forty thousand miles an hour
G7 C
of the galaxy we call the Milky Way.
(chords same for all verses)
*Verse II* Our galaxy itself contains a hundred million stars, it's a hundred thousand light-years side to side, it bulges in the middle, sixty thousand light-years thick, but out by us it's just three thousand light-years wide. We're thiry thousand light-years from galactic central point We go 'round every two hundred million years, and our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions in this Amazing and Expanding Universe!
Break -- odd animations...
*Verse III* The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding in all of the directions it can whiz, as fast as it can go, the speed of light, y'know, twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is, So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure How amazingly unlikely is your birth, And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'Cause there's bugger-all down here on Earth.