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King of Comedy 
Tom :D
D
Make your money with a suit and tie
A
Make your money with a shrewd denial
C                              G
Make your money expert advice,
G   A                 (before chorus hold 1st A on this line)
If you can wing it
D
Make your money with a power ply
A   
Make your money with a buyout bribe
C            G  G  A  
Make it lie     as long as you mean it
Chorus:
Gm      C             G
I'm not King of Comedy
Gm              C             G
Grease the pig, give a squeeze (squeeze me)
D
Make your money with exploitation
A 
Make it holy illumination
C                             G
Say a prayer at every station
G               A  
Don't forget to ask for mercy
D
Make your money with a pretty face
A
Make it easy with product placement
C                                 G
Make it charged with controversy
G                 A
I'm straight, I'm queer, I'm bi
Gm      C             G
I'm not king of comedy,
Gm           C         G
I'm not your magazine,
Gm           C          G
I'm not your television
{Bridge:}  G5  Slide (8x)
D
Make your money, make it rich
A
make it young and make it quick
C                                     G
Make your money on the jukebox, baby,
G    A 
it's pick up sticks
D
Make your enemies make your moves
A
Make your critics fumble through
C                                   G
Make it smart and make it schmooze
G       A 
Make it look easy
Gm      C             G
I'm not king of comedy,
Gm           C         G
I'm not your magazine,
Gm           C          G
I'm not your television
Gm           C             G
I'm not your movie screen
Gm         C     G
I'm not commodity    (all together now)
{Following chords are picked:}
Gm          C     G
I'm not commodity
Gm          C     G
I'm not commodity
Gm          C     G
I'm not commodity
Gm          C     G
I'm not commodity

 

Nightswimming
Tom: G
Intro: (Rhy. Fig. 1)
    G                     C             G                     D5
E-|--------------------|--------------|--------------------|------------------|
B-|--------------------|--1-----------|--------------------|--3---------------|
G-|-----0---2-------0--|--0-----------|-----0---2-------0--|--2---------------|
D-|-0---------------0--|--2-----------|-0---------------0--|--0---------------|
A-|-----------------2--|--3-----------|-----------------2--|------------------|
E-|-3-----------3------|--------------|-3-----------3------|------------------|
    (Piano arranged for guitar)

Verses: (Rhy. Fig. 2)
    G                    C              D5                 G
E-|--------------------|---------------------------------|--------------------|
B-|-------0------------|-1-3--1--1--0---3-0--------------|-------0------------|
G-|----0--0----0--0----|-0--------------2------2---------|----0--0----0--0----|
D-|-0----------------0-|-2--------------0----------4---2-|-0----------------0-|
A-|------------2-------|-3-------------------------------|------------2-------|
E-|-3--------3---------|---------------------------------|-3--------3---------|
    C          A              C                    D5
E-|-------------------------|--------------------|----------------------------|
B-|-1-3--1-1-0-2-0----------|-1------------------|-3--------------------------|
G-|-0----------2----2--0----|-0-0-2----0--2------|-2-0--2------0--0-----------|
D-|-2----------2----------2-|-2-----2----------2-|-0-------0------0---4--2--4-|
A-|-3----------0------------|-3-------------3----|-------------0---------0----|
E-|-------------------------|----------3---------|----------------------------|

G            C    D5            G                       C   A | C  | D5 |
   Nightswimming      deserves     a quiet night.
    G                     C      D5  G                  C   A |
The photograph on the dashboard,    taken years ago,
    C                          D5
turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
G                 C      D5         G                   C   A |
Every streetlight   reveals the picture in reverse.
C                       D5
Still, it's so much clearer.
G                 C   D5        G
I forgot my shirt   at   the water's edge.
    C           A          C    |  D5  |
The moon is low   tonight.
{Play Rhy. Fig. 1}

G            C    D5            G
   Nightswimming      deserves     a quiet night.
    C                     D5                    G5
I'm not sure all these people understand.
     C            D5       G
It's not like years   ago,
    C          A            C     D5                 G5
The fear of getting caught,    of recklessness and water.
       C     D5      G
They cannot see me naked.
        C          A        C      D5                   G
These things, they go away,    replaced by everyday.
          C         G                      C  A |
Nightswimming.  Remembering that night.
     C                     D5         C                      C  D5 |
September's coming soon.          I'm pining for the moon.
    G                      C      A         C
And what if there were two   side   by side   in orbit
   D5                      G
around the fairest sun?
       C       D5       G                  C       A             C      | D5 |
That bright, tight forever drum could not describe   nightswimming.
G                     C       D5   G                     C   A |
You, I thought I knew   you.       You, I cannot judge.
C                       D5
You, I thought you knew    me.
              G           C   D5         G              C
This one laughing quietly     underneath   my breath.
A         C     |  D5  |
 Nightswimming.
{Play Rhy. Fig. 1}
{Interude:}
    G              C                    G                C       A
E-|--------------|--------------------|----------------|----------------------|
B-|-------12--12-|-12-----------------|----------------|-12-------------------|
G-|--------------|------14-12---------|-------------12-|-----14--12--14----12-|
D-|--------------|-------------14--12-|---------12-----|----------------14----|
A-|--------------|--------------------|----------------|----------------------|
E-|--------------|--------------------|----------------|----------------------|
    (Oboe arranged for guitar)
    C                       D5
E-|-----------------------|----------------------------|
B-|-------12--------------|------12---12---------------|
G-|-(12)------14---12-----|----------------14--12---14-|
D-|--------------------14-|-12-------------------------|
A-|-----------------------|----------------------------|
E-|-----------------------|----------------------------|
    G                       C
The photograph reflects,
D5          G             C
every streetlight a reminder.
A           C        D5                 G   | C D5|
  Nightswimming deserves a quiet night,
G           C          A        C   |  D5  |
        deserves a quiet night.
{Outro:}
     G              C           D5         G
E-|---------------|-------12-------------|------------------------------------|
B-|--12---13---15-|-15-------------------|-12/\/\/\/\/---15--13--13--12-------|
G-|---------------|-------------12---14--|------------------------------------|
D-|---------------|----------------------|------------------------------------|
A-|---------------|----------------------|------------------------------------|
E-|---------------|----------------------|------------------------------------|
    C               A           C                D5
E-|---------------------------|----------------|------------------------------|
B-|-12------------------------|------12--------|-12---------------------------|
G-|----14-14--12-12-----------|-12-------14-12-|-----14-14--12-12--11------11-|
D-|------------------14-12-14-|----------------|-----------------------14-----|
A-|---------------------------|----------------|------------------------------|
E-|---------------------------|----------------|------------------------------|
    C       A               C                   D5                     G
E-|------------------------|------------------|----------------------|--------|
B-|-12---------------------|--12--------------|-----12--12-----------|-----0--|
G-|----14---12--14------12-|------14---12-----|-------------14-12-14-|-12/-0--|
D-|-----------------14-----|---------------14-|-12-------------------|-----0--|
A-|------------------------|------------------|----------------------|--------|
E-|------------------------|------------------|----------------------|-----3--|

 

 

Monty got a raw Deal 
Tom: Gm
Intro: Gm  Bb
       Gm  Bb
       Gm  Bb
       Dm  C  G
Gm               Bb                 Gm              Bb
Monty this seems strange to me, the movies had that movie thing
Gm                 Bb                Dm     C          G
But nonsense has a welcome ring and heros don't come easy
Gm                 Bb          Gm              Bb
Now nonsense isn't new to me, I know my head I know my feet
Gm                      Bb                Dm   C   G   Dm    C   G
But mischief knocked me in the knees so just let go, just let go
Gm              Bb             Gm               Bb
I saw the ocean meet the man, I saw you buried in the sand
Gm                    Bb                Dm    C    G
A friend was there to hold my hand, so walk on by
Gm                Bb                   Gm                  Bb
So I went walking through the stream, I saw you strung up in a tree
Gm                Bb                Dm    C    G       Dm    C    G
A woman out there said to me, said hold your tongue, hold your tongue
Bb         Dm      C   G     Bb         Dm         C   G
You don't owe me anything, you don't want this sympathy [waste your breath]
Bb         Dm          C                          Dm       C      G
Don't you waste your breath [waste your breath] for the silver screen
Gm                    Bb             Gm                     Bb
That nonsense doesn't mean a thing, they tried to bust you in a sting
Gm               Bb             Dm     C     G
But virtue isn't everything so don't waste time
Gm                      Bb              Gm               Bb
Now Here's a rhyme that you must hear, put this on your reel to reel
Gm                 Bb            Dm       C      G    Dm     C      G
Mischief through a rotten deal, Monty's laying low, he is laying low
Dm    C   G   Dm    C   G
Just let go, just let go
Bb         Dm      C   G     Bb         Dm         C   G
You don't owe me anything, you don't want this sympathy [waste your breath]
Bb         Dm          C                          Bb          Dm     C       G
Don't you waste your breath [waste your breath] Monty this seems strange to me

 

The Sidewinder sleeps Tonight 
Tom: F
Intro: D////G//C//Am///
       D////G//C//Am///
       D////G//C//Am///
Then:
  C               Em
e---------0-----|---------0---------
B-------------1-|-------------0-----
G--0------------|--0----------------
D--2------------|--2----------------
A--3------------|--2----------------
E---------------|--0----------------
F                                          C
This here is the place where I will be staying
      F
There isn't a number, you can call the pay phone
C                                 F
Let it ring a long long long long time
                             Am                    C            F           C
If I don't pick up, hang up, call back, let it ring some more,  Ohhhhhhh...
   F                                        Am                             C
If I don't pick up, pick up, the sidewinder sleep, sleep, sleeps in a coil
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
C    Em  {Play using above riff}
Ohhhh.....
                 F
There are scratches all around the coin slot
        C                                 F
Like a heartbeat baby trying to wake up
                          C
But this machine can only swallow money
                            F
you can't lay a patch by computer design
              Am                      C
Just a lot of stupid, stupid signs
F          C
Tell her
F                        C                                     F
Tell her she can kiss my ass, then laugh and say that you were only kidding.
                               Am                             C
That way she'll know that it's really, really, really, really me, me.
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
C    Em  {Play using above riff}
Ohhhh.....
 F
Baby, instant soup doesn't really grab me.
     C                                                  F
Today I need something more sub - s(tub) - sub - substantial.
                                          C
A can of beans or black-eyed peas, some Nescafe and ice
    F                             Am                   C
A Candy bar, a fallen star, or a reading from Doctor Suess
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
C    Em  {Play using above riff}
Ohhhh.....
Bridge:
{Here's how to pick the chords in the bridge}:
  Bm              Am                C
e---------2------|---------0------|-------0------
B-------------3--|-------------1--|------------1-
G----------------|----------------|--------------
D----------------|----------------|--------------
A-2--------------|-0--------------|-3------------
E----------------|----------------|--------------
Bm                            Am
The cat in the hat came back, wrecked a lot of havoc on the way.
Bm                                 Am
 Always had a smile and a reason to pretend,
          Bm                                    Am
But their world has flat backgrounds and little need to sleep, but to dream
C                 Em
 The sidewinder sleeps on his back.
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F#   D  D/F#      G5           C9   G5                 Am
   I can always sleep standing up.  Call me when you try to wake her
C    Em  {Play using above riff}
Ohhhh.....
D  D/F# D           D/F#        G5      C9   G5                 Am
   Call me when you try to wake her up, call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F#   D  D/F#      G5           C9   G5                 Am
   I can always sleep standing up.  Call me when you try to wake her
D  D/F#   D  D/F#      G5           C9   G5                 Am
   I can always sleep standing up.  Call me when you try to wake her
  C                         Em      D/A
We've got to moogie moogie move on this one.

 

Ignoreland
Tom: F
Intro: F | G | F | G   (play chords each for one measure, then riff section)
riff: (Guitar 2 plays riff, Guitar 1 plays chords above tab)
      F(VIII)  G(X)    C(III) D(V)        C
E-|--------------------------------------------|
B-|---10-------12\-------8----10---------------|
G-|---10-------12\-------5-----7----------4\0--|
D-|--------------------------------------------|
A-|--------------------------------------------|
E-|--------------------------------------------|
      D5                      D7(no 3rd)             G/D
These bastards stole their power         from the victims of the
  Em7               D5                  D7(no 3rd)      G/D
Us v.  Them years.  Wrecking all things virtuous    and true.
    D5             D7(no 3rd)             G/D                 Em7
The undermining social         democratic downhill slide into      abysmal
D5                    D7(no 3rd)      G/D                  Em7
lost lamb off the precipice      into     the trickle down runoff pool.
      C              D       C               D
They hypnotized the summer, nineteen seventy-nine.
 C                D                     F                        G
Marched into the capital brooding duplicitous, wicked and able, media-ready,
                   F
heartless, and labeled.  Super U.S. citizen, super achiever,
                             G
mega ultra power dosing.  Relax.
                                     F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)     C
Defense, defense, defense, defense.  Yeah,        yeah,         yeah.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C D
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.  Ignoreland.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C D
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.  Ignoreland.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.
    D5                                  G/D                   Em7
The information nation took their clues     from all the sound - bite gluttons.
D5                      D7(no 3rd)                          G/D     Em7
Nineteen eighty, eighty-four,      eighty-eight, ninety-two     too,    too.
D5             D7(no 3rd)         G/D                   Em7
How to be what you        can be, jump jam junking your energies.
D5             D7(no 3rd)      G/D              Em7
How to walk in dignity    with throw-up on your shoes.
     C              D      C                D
They amplified the autumn, nineteen seventy-nine.
C              D                    F
Calculate the capital, up the republic my skinny ass.
      G                                   F
T.V. tells a million lies.  The papers terrified to report
anything that isn't handed on a presidential spoon,
           G                                 F(VIII) G(X)      C(III) D(V)  C
I'm just profoundly frustrated by all this.  So,          what to     do,  man.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C D
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.  Ignoreland.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C D
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.  Ignoreland.
C                                                     Bm
   If they weren't there we would have created them.  Maybe, it's true,
    Bb                           A
but I'm resentful all the same.  Someone's got to take the blame.
  D5                D7(no 3rd)  G/D         Em7
I know that this is vitriol.    No solution,    spleen-venting,
     D5             D7(no 3rd)                 G/D      Em7
But I   feel better having     screamed; don't you?
     C           D       C               D
They desecrated winter, nineteen seventy-nine.
C           D                       F                       G
Capital collateral.  Brooding duplicitous, wicked and able, media-ready,
                   F
heartless, and labeled.  Super U.S. citizen, super achiever,
                             G
mega ultra power dosing.  Relax.
                                     F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)     C
Defense, defense, defense, defense.  Yeah,        yeah,         yeah.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C D
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.  Ignoreland.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C D
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.  Ignoreland.
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C
Yeah,         yeah,        yeah.
{Outro:}
D            F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C  D
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C  D
F(VIII) G(X)       C(III)  D(V)   C  D
"This is not a revolution, I did not do the revolution, thank you"

 

Star me Kitten
Tom: G
Gadd6
Keys cut, three for the price of one.
                    Bb      C  Bb     C
Nothing's free, but guaranteed for a lifetimes use.
       Bb         C        NC             Gadd6
I've changed the locks and you can't have one.
You, you know the other two.
                        Bb          C         Bb
The brakes have worn so thin that you could hear,
   C                       Bb        C   NC           Gadd6
I hear them screeching through the door from our driveway
Hey love, look into your glove box heart.
                  Bb      C         Bb         C
What is there for me inside?  This love is tired.
       Bb                     NC           C            D5
I've changed the locks.  Have I misplaced you?
  E5      G5     C          D5    E5       G5     C
Have we lost our   minds?        Will this never     end?
D5   E5  G5       NC
     It could depend on your take.
Gadd6
        You.  Me.  We used to be on fire.
                       Bb       C       Bb      C                 Bb    C
If keys are all that stand between, can I throw in the ring?  No gasoline.
     NC
Just fuck me kitten.
Bb       C        Bb       C
You are wild, and I'm in your possession.
Bb           C     NC
Nothing's free, so fuck me kitten.
Bb       C                 NC                   (Gadd6)
I'm in your possession, so fuck me kitten.
Toys in the Attic(Aerosmith)
Tom :A
A      A E     D     D  A    G     D     A   B
Light voices scream nothing seems real's a dream
E                             A        E
Leaving the things that you learned behind
E                            A      E
Leaving the things that you love behind
E                            A           E
All of the things that you learned were real
E                       A
Nothing except for the years
A   E    D       D A    G     D     A   B
Voices scream, nothing seems real's a dream
E     E     E  D      A
Toys toys toys in the attic
A      A E     D     D  A    G     D     A   B
Light voices scream nothing seems real's a dream
E                            A      E
Leaving the things that you love behind
E                             A        E
Leaving the things that you learned behind
E                            A           E
All of the things that you learned were real
E                       A
Nothing except for the years
A   E    D       D A    G     D     A   B
Voices scream, nothing seems real's a dream
E     E     E  D      A
Toys toys toys in the attic

 

Moral Kiosk 
Tom: D2
Intro:  Esus4
D2                   A/C#             E
Scratch the scandals in the twilight
D2              A/C#         E
Trying to shock but instead
D2             A/C#           E
Idle hands all orient to her
D2           A/C#               E
Pass a magic pillow under head
F#m         G#m             E   B
Its so much more attractive
F#m        G#m         E   B
Inside the moral kiosk
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight
D2                        A/C#             E
They scratch the scandals in the twilight
D2               A/C#          E
She was laughing like a Horae
D2            A/C#               E
Put that knee in dour landslide
D2                A/C#                E
Take this step to dash a roveing eye
F#m         G#m             E   B
Its so much more attractive
F#m        G#m         E   B
Inside the moral kiosk
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight
{Bridge:}   Dsus2   A/C#  B   (x 2)
D2                   A/C#             E
Scratch the scandals in the twilight
D2              A/C#         E
Trying to shock but instead
D2             A/C#           E
Idle hands all orient to her
D2           A/C#               E
Pass a magic pillow under head
F#m         G#m             E   B
Its so much more attractive
F#m        G#m         E   B
Inside the moral kiosk
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight
(The interlude is a play on the G chord)
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight
Esus4
Inside, cold, dark, fire, twilight

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